


Steps

by ghoulhoon



Category: BTOB
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 13:10:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11990481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghoulhoon/pseuds/ghoulhoon
Summary: "[...] maybe it was the glasses or the low light, or the tears making his cheeks cold. Whatever it was, that was the night when Ilhoon realized he was deeply in love, and this realization came really surprisingly, after an uncertain period of hand touches, late night conversations, different types of kisses, and the development of a beautiful (but unannounced) relationship - Not that these are in proper order because, in fact, there wasn't a proper order."





	Steps

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!  
> So, English is my second language and although I already have some experience in writing fanfictions, this is my first attempt at writing fanfiction in English, so please be kind. Actually, this is quite an experimental thing inspired by Swimming's MV.   
> I guess that's it; enjoy!

There isn’t an exact order when it comes to loving, although this is what most people believe in. There's no "10 Steps Of Falling In Love With Someone" manual. Ilhoon was aware of it from the very beginning.  
But maybe it was the glasses, or the low light, or the tears making his cheeks cold. Whatever it was, that was the night when Ilhoon realized he was deeply in love, and this realization came really surprisingly, after an uncertain period of hand touches, late night conversations, a kiss, and the development of a beautiful (but unannounced) relationship - Not that these are in proper order because; in fact, there wasn't a proper order.   
His realization started when Hyunsik laid on the couch and started to browse in his brand new art magazine. (So many intimacies gave them the freedom to be in silence when together, without it being uncomfortable or rude. In fact, Hyunsik was the only person that made silence feel likable to Ilhoon). It made him look fancy and intelligent but his intentions were no other than acquiring knowledge. Ilhoon then realized that, although he had other friends and talked with everyone who was willing to do so, Hyunsik was the only one who knew every single aspect of his persona. The nights he spent browsing Ilhoon’s feelings and characteristics weren't rare, and somehow they were both very comfortable with it. The fact is that Hyunsik didn't do it to just look helpful or present, but he truly cared about Ilhoon and was willing to know him better so he could help him better. Ilhoon, otherwise, never let himself be this vulnerable for someone, except for Hyunsik. He trusted him. He trusted the way Hyunsik would appreciate art, talk about it, point out what could be improved or not. And looking at Hyunsik doing exactly that, Ilhoon started to realize.  
Then, Hyunsik leaned over Ilhoon and told him to hand his glasses. Ilhoon did as he said, not a single shadow of objection. Hyunsik looked good with his glasses, though they made him look older and, with Ilhoon, the situation was contrary. Hyunsik also needed glasses too, and that's the reason why his eyes looked extra small usually. He didn't like the idea of having himself a pair of glasses but was very fond of Ilhoon's and even though the younger one could be a stubborn little brat, there wasn't a single objection. Never. Either because Hyunsik looked good or because Ilhoon knew he needed them and was a really caring kid towards his hyung.  
It was a fact that something about Hyunsik wearing his glasses felt oddly comfortable, even though Ilhoon could not tell exactly what. Maybe the feeling of sharing, of caring or of... loving. Ilhoon then realized that he was willing to give away everything to make Hyunsik feel better. This whole commitment was dangerous, he was aware, but in his heart, Ilhoon wanted to provide his Hyung whatever he could need or want. Money and luxuries, things that Ilhoon pursued for a long time, started to lose meaning when compared to Hyunsik and how good he made Ilhoon feel. The younger one wanted to pay back somehow, but as much as he thought about it, more he realized that nothing could compare to the sensation of having Hyunsik besides him.  
In that same night, Hyunsik cried while looking at Ilhoon. (That was at least odd, both of them admitted some days later.) The tears were nothing but emotional. "You're a blessing", that's what he said when saw Ilhoon's face frown while observing that situation. Hyunsik meant to say even more but knew that getting emotional wasn’t Ilhoon’s style so he restrained himself to caress his cheeks with a gentle hand.  
Then he embraced Ilhoon when perceived his shining eyes and the nervous lip biting. His effort on avoiding Hyunsik's gaze and the insistent blinking were admirable, but for once Hyunsik didn't want to see Ilhoon fighting against his own feelings - they both knew he was too exhausted to keep resisting. So that night Hyunsik held Ilhoon tight and whispered it was okay to lose the posture.   
"You know I won't tell anyone," Hyunsik reassured. A few moments later, he felt the thin body of his partner shaking, hands grabbing his back as a drowning man would grab a lifeboat.  
Ilhoon himself was not sure on the exact reason why he was crying - Could it be the fact that he finally felt like he could count on someone, after years of neglecting his own feelings for not feeling good enough to deal with them? And although Ilhoon tried to force himself to stop crying, his heart needed to breathe, at least once. That’s why he naturally drowned himself on Hyunsik’s chest, sobbing copiously for no particular reason. He knew that, even though Hyunsik was deep and surprising like the sea, that wouldn’t be a problem, since he could make a fish of himself that can only breath under the water.   
But it was in the middle of the night - when his crying fainted until only their peaceful breathing could be heard - that Ilhoon professed his love for Hyunsik out loud for the first time. Not that he didn't love his hyung before that night - his love might have begun when Hyunsik protected him from his own sharp critical thoughts. Or maybe it was when Hyunsik cried in front of him for the third time while talking about being insecure and scared. He wouldn't know. But the love for his hyung wasn’t something new - it was just an odd concept.  
Mostly because Ilhoon wasn't used to getting emotional. Although loving wasn't something hard for him, talking about it was much of a problem. He had his own way of demonstrating affection, which consisted on loving deeply but never mentioning the subject. Maybe, that was the reason why whatever they had never worked out completely until that moment.  
But that night something lit up inside him, a fire strong enough to melt the ice barriers that froze his capacity to take actions. Maybe the fire was generated from the heat of their bodies, intertwined gently on the floor. Maybe it was the love burning their hearts to ashes, just so it could rise again stronger. Maybe it was Hyunsik's smile, that always made Ilhoon's face respond with another smile. Maybe it was everything about both of them.  
Maybe it was the light that Hyunsik turned off so they could sleep, despite the slow approach of the sunrise.  
Looking at his serene face through the dark, hearing his heavy and profound breathing, tenderly touching the relaxed muscles of his arm, Ilhoon could see it all clearer now. He had always been a mess of feelings, but for once, things were clear.  
Either in the dark or not; either with bright lights or dense darkness; either with tears or laughs; wouldn't matter how.   
Ilhoon loved Hyunsik in every form as possible.


End file.
